


Facebooking: TVD Edition

by anneryn7



Category: Vampire Diaries (TV)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Humor, Multi, Parody, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-23
Updated: 2014-06-23
Packaged: 2018-02-05 20:17:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 5,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1830970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anneryn7/pseuds/anneryn7
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU. The Salvatore brothers cave and finally get a Facebook. Hilarity ensues. Features just about everyone. A lot of the characters who have been killed off of the show are no longer dead. For this story, Bonnie and Jeremy never died and had to be brought back. Mild OOC. Based off of Supernatural Facebook by MsMKT86 (with permission). RE-WRITE IN THE WORKS.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Salvatores Get a Facebook

**Author's Note:**

> I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS.  
> I DO NOT OWN FACEBOOK.
> 
> A/N: Based off of the amazing Supernatural Facebook by MsMKT86. MsMKT86 gave me the green light for this! This is all in good fun. This has been rewritten and reworked. Hope you all enjoy! I'm working on rewriting the other chapters and hope to have them up soon!

Chapter One:

* * *

**Caroline's POV**

I sighed and glanced at the clock. I still have an hour to kill before I have to leave. I started messing around on my phone and opened my Facebook app. I stared at my phone in disbelief. I had two friend requests, from none other than Damon and Stefan Salvatore. Wow. That's a first. There's no way that I can just not say something about this.

_Caroline Forbes: "I can't believe the Salvatore brothers actually got Facebook accounts. I never thought I'd live to see the day."_

It didn't take long, before my friends started liking my status.

_Bonnie Bennett, Elena Gilbert, Tyler Lockwood and 5 others like this. Damon 'Eternal Stud' Salvatore commented on your status._

I bet they're just as shocked as I am. For some reason, I just can't picture Stefan as the Facebook type. I refreshed my feed and saw the alert and clicked on it.

_Damon 'Eternal Stud' Salvatore: "Not all of us are technology impaired, Barbie. It's like my younger, bunny-loving brother would have joined, if I hadn't twisted his arm."_

I snorted with laughter. Of course, Damon would have something to say. Doesn't he always? My phone chimed and the alerts kept coming. I looked back at my status. Klaus and Alaric liked Damon's comment. Ha, like I expected anything less.

_Stefan Salvatore commented on your status._

Oh, this will be good.

Stefan Salvatore: "Not all of us enjoy killing sorority girls, Damon. And I don't eat bunnies."

Elena and 'Ric has liked Stefan's comment, before I had a chance to.

_Damon 'Eternal Stud' Salvatore commented on your status._

The Salvatore brothers getting Facebook accounts is probably the most entertaining thing to happen in a while. Why watch TV, when we can watch them duke it out on the internet? I laughed.

_Damon 'Eternal Stud' Salvatore: "Whatever you have to tell yourself, Thumper-killer."_

I laughed as I read Damon's comment. This keeps getting better and better. I liked his comment, before I read the other comments that kept coming.

_Alaric Saltzman and Klaus Mikaelson like this. Elena Gilbert commented on your status._

Oh, this should be good.

_Elena Gilbert: "Leave him alone, Damon."_

I can't blame Elena for sticking up for her man, but there's no way that her doing so will make Damon back off. I mean, has she met the guy?

_Klaus Mikaelson likes this. Klaus Mikaelson commented on your status._

God. Klaus is so annoying. How are we even Facebook friends? Oh, yeah. I was worried that if I didn't accept his friend request, that he would throw a tantrum and light Mystic Falls on fire.

_Klaus Mikaelson: "I love watching lovers' quarrel."_

I rolled my eyes. Is he serious? This is from the guy who spent most of his life stalking Katherine? Of course, he loves watching people fight. He feeds off of disaster. He's like a leech.

_Klaus Mikaelson and Damon 'Eternal Stud' Salvatore like this._

Someone needs to knock him down a peg. Jeez.

_Caroline Forbes: "No one asked you, Klaus."_

I know that saying something will just egg him on, but he's so infuriating!

_Damon 'Eternal Stud' Salvatore, Elena Gilbert, Stefan Salvatore and 2 others like this. Klaus Mikaelson commented on your status._

I don't even want to know what he's going to say. I really don't. It will either make me even more annoyed or make me gag. But knowing Klaus, it'll probably be both. Heaven help me.

_Klaus Mikaelson: "You're so sexy when you're angry, love."_

Really? Seriously? SERIOUSLY? He really went there? Ugh.

_Tyler Lockwood commented on your status._

Thank goodness. I sighed. I love Tyler. He's so much better than Klaus.

_Tyler Lockwood: "Back off, Klaus."_

You go babe! Tyler is seriously the best.

_Caroline Forbes, Bonnie Bennett, Jeremy Gilbert and 3 others like this. Stefan Salvatore commented on your status._

See! He annoys other people, too. It's not just me.

_Stefan Salvatore: "There are a lot worse things than eating rabbits, Damon."_

I laughed at Stefan's comment. This is great. Anything is better than Klaus trying to hit on me, again.

_Caroline Forbes, Lexi Branson, Elena Gilbert and 2 others like this. Damon 'Eternal Stud' Salvatore commented on your status._

What did he say now? I seriously think that Damon just stares at him reflection in the mirror and just talks. His ego is that big.

_Damon 'Eternal Stud' Salvatore: "Like eating kittens?"_

How is maiming kittens worse than killing people?

_Alaric Saltzman and Klaus Mikaelson like this._

I rolled my eyes. I still amazed that Damon actually has friends that he hasn't had to compel. It's a miracle, really.

_Caroline Forbes: "How has anyone not killed you?"_

I legitimately want to know. Stefan, I totally get still being alive, but Damon? It's like he lives to offend people. I think he wakes up in the morning and tries to figure out exactly just how offensive he can be that day. I honestly wouldn't be surprised.

 _Lexi Branson, Stefan Salvatore, Matt Donovan and 2 others like this._   _Lexi commented on your status._

And my friends agree with me!

_Lexi Branson: "If not for Stefan, he'd be staked already."_

I cackled. Lexi is the best. I could totally see Lexi and Damon throwing down and Lexi kicking his ass. Damon wouldn't stand a chance.

_You, Klaus Mikaelson, Jeremy Gilbert and 4 others like this._

I closed the app and started to get ready. I have a date with Tyler to get ready for.


	2. Who Wants to Build an Army?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS.  
> I DO NOT OWN FACEBOOK.

Chapter Two:

* * *

**Klaus' POV**

I looked at my laptop in disbelief.

_Elena Gilbert denied your friend request._

She had some nerve. I can't believe that annoying little doppelgänger had the balls to deny  _ **my**_ friend request. Who wouldn't want to be friends with me?! I'm the best person I know. Well, I'll show her.

_Klaus Mikaelson: "Anxious to build my hybrid army. Can't wait to get my hands on some doppelganger blood. ;) You know I'm talking about you, Elena."_

I updated my status. Well, this should be fun. I love messing with her and those idiot Salvatore brothers that seem addicted to sharing one woman.

_Katherine Pierce likes your status. Elena Gilbert commented on your status._

Katherine would be the one to like my status. She's the bitch who started this whole mess by getting herself changed into a vampire, in the first place. So much trouble could have been avoided, but no.

_Elena Gilbert: "Too bad I'm a vampire Klaus, or have you forgotten?"_

How could I have forgotten? She and the other doppelgängers have been nothing but a permanent pain my ass.

_Damon 'Eternal Stud' Salvatore, Bonnie Bennett, Rebekah Mikaelson and 10 others like this._

Elena really doesn't deserve the loyal friends she has. She always ends up ahead and they end up perishing for it. Shame none of them seem to realize this. I'm not about to be the one to tell them. It's not my job to cure the world of stupidity.

_Klaus Mikaelson: "Remind me, why haven't I killed you yet?"_

I asked her. The only reason that Elena is still alive, is because I don't doubt that her little Bennett witch would move hell and earth to get her revenge.

_Katherine Pierce likes your status. Kol Mikaelson commented on your status._

Kol is always running his mouth. What is he spewing out now?

_Kol Mikaelson: "Because the thought of finally getting with Caroline has you pussy-whipped, brother."_

I fumed and pictured all of the different ways I could torture Kol, before daggering him, so I would finally get some peace and quiet.

_Elena Gilbert, Stefan Salvatore, Elijah Mikaelson and 5 others like this. Katherine Pierce commented on your status._

Katherine, on the other hand, has no reason for me to keep her alive. I should really rectify that soon. One less doppelgänger helps the world go 'round.

_Katherine Pierce: "You're whipped and you're in the friend zone. Can you get anymore pathetic?"_

Yes. Especially if that dead doppelgänger is Katrina Petrova.

_Damon 'Eternal Stud' Salvatore, Tyler Lockwood, Kol Mikaelson and 5 others like this._

I swear. Kids these days have no respect. What has the world come to?

_Klaus Mikaelson: "Mind your tongue, Kol. I might have to dagger you again."_

Does Katherine really have nothing better to do, than to stir up trouble? I suppose not.

_Katherine Pierce likes this. Rebekah Mikaelson commented on your status._

Oh, great. Now 'Bekah is jumping in. This is why I always keep my siblings daggered. Life is so much easier, when they can't plot against me.

_Rebekah Mikaelson: "With what, Nik? Or have you forgotten that all of the white oak stakes and ash have been destroyed? Face it – you're all talk."_

I've always had a soft spot for my sister, but right now, she's pushing it.

_Elijah Mikaelson, Kol Mikaelson, Tyler Lockwood and 10 others like this._

If she really wants to know how I plan on pulling it off, who am I to deny her?

_Klaus Mikaelson: "What's to stop me from burying you all alive? Desecration becomes you, sister."_

Now, I just wait. My aggravating siblings are bound to say something soon.

_Katherine Pierce likes this. Kol Mikaelson commented on your status._

Kol is so predictable.

_Kol Mikaelson: "There are three of us and one of you. Like you, we are immortal. Do you really want a war on your hands, brother?"_

With Elijah on their side, I might actually be worried. He is the only one with the discipline who would be able to pull something of that magnitude off.

_Rebekah Mikaelson and Elijah Mikaelson like this._

Well, of course they do. I wouldn't expect anything less.

_Klaus Mikaelson: "Don't tempt me."_

I'll just leave it at that. It's good to keep them on their toes. If they get too out of hand, I'm sure I can find a witch or two to help along the desecration. I smirked as I turned off my laptop. Nothing like stirring up a bit of trouble to start off your morning.


	3. Best Boyfriend Ever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS.  
> I DO NOT OWN FACEBOOK.

Chapter Three:

* * *

**Elena Gilbert updated her status.**

Elena Gilbert: “I have the best boyfriend ever! <3 _–with Stefan Salvatore_ ”

_Caroline Forbes, Stefan Salvatore, Bonnie Bennett and 4 others like this. Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore commented on your status._

Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore: “Gag. Can’t you two go a day without posting something on Facebook about each other? It’s nauseating.”

_Rebekah, Katherine Pierce and Tyler Lockwood like this. Katherine Pierce commented on your status._

Katherine Pierce: “Everyone picks Stefan over you, Damon. You should be used to it by now. Envy doesn’t suit you.”

_Klaus Mikaelson and Lexi like this. Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore commented on your status._

Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore: “Any woman that would pass up all of this must be blind and stupid. Remind me again, why no one will touch you?”

_Stefan Salvatore, Rebekah, Klaus Mikaelson and 15 others like this. Klaus Mikaelson commented on your status._

Klaus Mikaelson: “She’s a manipulative whore.”

_Elena Gilbert, Stefan Salvatore, Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore and 10 others like this. Elijah Mikaelson commented on your status._

Elijah Mikaelson: “Katerina has changed.”

_Katherine Pierce likes this. Rebekah Mikaelson commented on your status._

Rebekah Mikaelson: “I wouldn’t hold your breath, Elijah.”

_Elena Gilbert, Caroline Forbes, Klaus Mikaelson and 3 others like this. Caroline Forbes commented on your status._

Caroline Forbes: “Watching you duke it out is better than watching TV!”

_Bonnie Bennett, Alaric Saltzman, Jeremy Gilbert and 9 others like this. Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore commented on your status._

Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore: “Stay out of this Barbie.”

_Katherine Pierce likes this. Stefan Salvatore commented on your status._

Stefan Salvatore: “You can always stop following our posts, brother.”

_Elena Gilbert, Lexi, Alaric Saltzman like this. Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore commented on your status._

Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore: “What fun would that be? As your older brother, it’s in my job description to annoy the hell out of you and your bunny-eating ways.”

_Alaric Saltzman likes this. Stefan Salvatore commented on your status._

Stefan Salvatore: “Because you love me.”

_Elena Gilbert, Caroline Forbes, Alaric Saltzman and 4 others like this. Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore commented on your status._

Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore: “I wouldn’t go that far, Stefan.”

Elena Gilbert: “Stefan isn’t afraid to express his emotions. It’s part of why I love him so much. <3”

 _Stefan Salvatore likes this. Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore commented on your status_.

Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore: “I repeat, ‘Gag.’”

_Katherine Pierce, Tyler Lockwood, Alaric Saltzman and 15 others like this._


	4. Friends' Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS.  
> I DO NOT OWN FACEBOOK.

Chapter Four:

* * *

**Bonnie Bennett updated her status.**

Bonnie Bennett: “I’m taking the weekend off. I need a girls’ night with Caroline. I don’t care if Klaus decides to come to town and throw another tantrum. I don’t care if it starts raining fire. I’m not helping you. I don’t want to hear from you. I don’t want to see you. Don’t even ask, or I’m setting your ass on fire. _– feeling in desperate need of a vacation_ ”

_Caroline Forbes, Jeremy Gilbert, Matt Donovan and 2 others like this. Elena Gilbert commented on your status._

Elena Gilbert: “You don’t mean it, Bon. If we were in trouble, you’d help. Why am I not invited to the girls’ night?”

_Stefan Salvatore and Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore like this._

Bonnie Bennett: “No, I won’t. I deserve some time to myself for once. You’re a vampire. You can handle it, ‘Lena. I want a drama-free weekend. You’re too busy deciding which Salvatore you’re into, so only Caroline is invited… maybe Matt. I still love you, though! Next week, I’m yours.”

_Caroline Forbes and Rebekah Mikaelson like this. Rebekah Mikaelson commented on your status._

Rebekah Mikaelson: “If Matt comes, I’m coming, too.”

_Matt Donovan likes this. Matt Donovan and Klaus Mikaelson commented on your status._

Matt Donovan: “Bonnie, you I love you, but I’m not a girl! You’re gonna have to give tonight a new name if you expect me to be there. I’m a man – damn it!”

_Bonnie Bennett, Caroline Forbes, Rebekah Mikaelson and 1 other like this._

Klaus Mikaelson: “I beg your pardon, witch, but I do not throw tantrums. I am the Original hybrid. I am not a child.”

 _Marcel Gerard likes this. Elena Gilbert and Caroline Forbes commented on your status_.

Elena Gilbert: “Rebekah can go and I can’t? Way to make a girl feel loved.”

Caroline Forbes: “Klaus, have you met yourself? All you do is throw tantrums when you don’t get your way. What do you call daggering your family?! #angerproblems #he’sindenial”

_Bonnie Bennett, Rebekah Mikaelson, Kol Mikaelson and 20 others like this._

Bonnie Bennett: “Rebekah if you can leave the drama at the door and swear not to complain, I don’t care if you come, for Matt’s sake. Matt we can just say it’s a night in. Lol. I never said you had a vagina.”

_Rebekah Mikaelson, Caroline Forbes and Matt Donovan like this. Rebekah Mikaelson commented on your status._

Rebekah Mikaelson: “Thank you, Bonnie. That won’t be a problem. Awe, is the doppelganger jealous?”

_Klaus Mikaelson commented on your status._

Klaus Mikaelson: “Fuck all of you. You’re dead to me.”

_Elena Gilbert, Matt Donovan and Rebekah Mikaelson commented on your status._

Elena Gilbert: “I’m a little jealous, but I get it Bonnie. No worries. We can have a REAL girls’ night next week.”

 _Bonnie Bennett, Caroline Forbes, Jeremy Gilbert and 2 others like this_.

Matt Donovan: “As long we change the name, you can count me in, Bon!”

_Bonnie Bennett, Rebekah Mikaelson and Caroline Forbes like this._

Rebekah Mikaelson: “Nik, have you forgotten that half of us are dead already? Lol. You’re getting old brother. #someoneiscranky”

_Bonnie Bennett, Caroline Forbes, Kol Mikaelson and 3 others like this. Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore commented on your status._

Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore: “Come on, Judgy. We all know that you’re friends are your kryptonite. Even if you did manage to stay away, I would drag your ass out here to save us.”

_Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore, Klaus Mikaelson and Kol Mikaelson like this._

Bonnie Bennett: “You just have to ask yourself one thing, Damon. Are you ready to die?”

_Stefan Salvatore, Caroline Forbes, Jeremy Gilbert and 5 others like this._


	5. World Take-Over

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS.  
> I DO NOT OWN FACEBOOK.

Chapter Five:

* * *

**Klaus Mikaelson updated his status.**

Klaus Mikaelson: “I’m itching to take over the world.”

_Marcel Gerard likes this. Kol Mikaelson commented on your status._

Kol Mikaelson: “Not again… Don’t you remember how this turned out last time? Remind me to steer clear of you for awhile.”

_Rebekah Mikaelson, Caroline Forbes, Elijah Mikaelson and 15 others like this. Rebekah Mikaelson commented on your status._

Rebekah Mikaelson: “Really brother? Haven’t you enough power? This is why we don’t have any friends. You either piss everyone off or they end up dead. #getyourshittogether #I’mtoooldforthis”

_Caroline Forbes, Matt Donovan, Tyler Lockwood and 10 others like this._

Klaus Mikaelson: “You act like wherever I go, disaster follows. Don’t you think you’re overreacting?”

_Elijah Mikaelson and Stefan Salvatore commented on your status._

Elijah Mikaelson: “Niklaus, not even you are that jaded. Surely, you’re aware of the repercussions of your actions… One can only hope. Claiming New Orleans is one thing, the world is another entirely.”

_Marcel Gerard likes this._

Stefan Salvatore: “We’re not overreacting, Klaus.”

_Bonnie Bennett, Elena Gilbert, Rose-Marie and 22 others like this._

Klaus Mikaelson: “No one asked you, Ripper. As for my siblings, do you really want to be on my bad side when I succeed?”

_Kol Mikaelson, Rebekah Mikaelson and Bonnie Bennett commented on your status._

Kol Mikaelson: “Why did you even post this on Facebook if you didn’t want anyone’s input? Honestly, brother…”

_Bonnie Bennett, Stefan Salvatore and Rebekah Mikaelson like this._

Rebekah Mikaelson: “#you’dthinktheworldrevolvesaroundhim #honestly #howdoeshefunction? #toomuchegoforoneperson #howareweevenrelated?”

_Kol Mikaelson, Bonnie Bennett, Elijah Mikaelson and 11 others like this._

Bonnie Bennett: “And how many of your plans have been successful? I wouldn’t hold your breath.”

_Katherine Pierce, Rose-Marie, Elijah Mikaelson and 20 others like this._

Klaus Mikaelson: “Why couldn’t I have been an only child?”

_Kol Mikaelson commented on your status._

Kol Mikaelson: “I often ask myself the same thing, brother.”


	6. Find a Decent Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS.  
> I DO NOT OWN FACEBOOK.

Chapter Six:

* * *

**Jeremy Gilbert updated his status.**

Jeremy Gilbert: “I need to find a decent girl. None of my relationships ever work out.”

_Matt Donovan likes this. Bonnie Bennett, Vicki Donovan and Anna Zhu commented on your status._

Bonnie Bennett: “Maybe if you didn’t cheat on people, you’d be able to find someone.”

_Elena Gilbert, Caroline Forbes, and April Young like this._

Vicki Donovan: “It’s not my fault that you have vampire issues, Jere.”

_Stefan Salvatore, Caroline Forbes, and Anna Zhu like your status._

Anna Zhu: “You could’ve come with me, Jeremy. There’s not that much holding you to Mystic Falls. I offered to show you the world. My offer still stands.”

_Alaric Saltzman likes this._

Jeremy Gilbert: “I’ve already apologized, Bonnie. What more do you want from me?”

_Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore likes this. Bonnie Bennett, Jenna Sommers, Matt Donovan and 1 other commented on your status._

Bonnie Bennett: “I want you to stop acting surprised. You’d be able to find someone with standards, if you weren’t a cheater. Facts don’t lie, Jere.”

_Caroline Forbes, Elena Gilbert, Matt Donovan and 2 others like this._

Jenna Sommers: “Seriously, Jeremy?! You cheated on Bonnie and now you’re bitching about the lack of quality in the girls you hook up with?! You brought this on yourself. You were raised better than that!”

_Bonnie Bennett, Elena Gilbert and Caroline Forbes like this._

Matt Donovan: “I’m not saying that I want you to be alone for the rest of your life, Jere, but what you and Vicki did to Bonnie isn’t cool. She didn’t deserve that.”

_Elena Gilbert, Jenna Sommers, Alaric Saltzman and 4 others like this._

Caroline Forbes: “Reap what you sow, Jere.”

_Tyler Lockwood likes this._

Jeremy Gilbert: “What is this? ‘Gang up on Jeremy day?’”

_Elena Gilbert commented on your status._

Elena Gilbert: “You messed up and you want us to throw you a pity party. I love you, Jere, but you brought this on yourself.”

_Matt Donovan, Caroline Gilbert and Bonnie Bennett like this. Kol Mikaelson commented on your status._

Kol Mikaelson: “Sorry mate. This is the reason I’ll never go back to high school. I never understood the appeal, like my sister. Bonnie, darling, you should really let me take you out. I can show you how a real man behaves.”

_Rebekah Mikaelson and Klaus Mikaelson like this. Rebekah Mikaelson commented on your status._

Rebekah Mikaelson: “Between you and Nik, I don’t know who has a bigger witch fetish. Honestly, Kol. And you don’t have to understand it, brother.”

_Klaus Mikaelson and Elijah Mikaelson like this. Bonnie Bennett commented on your status._

Bonnie Bennett: “I doubt a homicidal vampire would be a step up, Kol. No offense.”

_Caroline Forbes and Elena Gilbert like this. Kol Mikaelson commented on your status._

Kol Mikaelson: “You never know if you never try, darling. ;)”


	7. Bringing Sexy Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS.  
> I DO NOT OWN FACEBOOK.

Chapter Seven:

* * *

**Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore updated his status.**

Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore: “I’m bringing sexy back.”

_Rose-Marie, Alaric Saltzman, Katherine Pierce and 24 others like this. Caroline Forbes commented on your status._

Caroline Forbes: “I wouldn’t go that far.”

_Bonnie Bennett, Klaus Mikaelson and Lexi Branson like this._

Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore: “You’ve never complained before, Barbie. ;)”

_Katherine Pierce likes this. Caroline Forbes commented on your status._

Caroline Forbes: “That’s because you compelled me not to.”

_Tyler Lockwood and Klaus Mikaelson like this. Katherine Pierce commented on your status._

Katherine Pierce: “Please, we both know that’s not true. Damon is damn fine. I think we can all agree on that.”

_Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore and Rose-Marie like this._

Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore: “Damn straight.”

_Elena Gilbert commented on your status._

Elena Gilbert: “Stefan is hotter.”

_Stefan Salvatore, Caroline Forbes and Lexi Branson like this._

Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore: “Please, don’t act like I haven’t caught you checking out my ass Elena.”

_Katherine Pierce likes this. Elena Gilbert commented on your status._

Elena Gilbert: “Don’t flatter yourself.”

Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore: “Why would I need to flatter myself? Have you seen me? I’m hot.”

_Rose-Marie likes this. Stefan Salvatore commented on your status._

Stefan Salvatore: “You’re just bent out of shape, because she turned you down, brother.”

Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore: “No who’s flattering himself?”

_Elena Gilbert commented on your status._

Elena Gilbert: “Stefan is still hotter.”

_Stefan Salvatore likes this._

Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore: “I prefer my women not to be my brother’s leftovers.”

_Katherine Pierce commented on your status._

Katherine Pierce: “That’s a first.”


	8. Swear Off Guys

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS.  
> I DO NOT OWN FACEBOOK.

Chapter Eight:

* * *

**Caroline Forbes updated her status.**

Caroline Forbes: “I’m so tired of guys and their stupidity. Seriously?! Grow a pair! I’m done. @Bonnie, what do you say? Let’s swear off guys forever and just be lesbian together. I’m game, if you are.”

_Bonnie Bennett, Elena Gilbert, Matt Donovan and 7 others like this. Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore, Tyler Lockwood and Klaus Mikaelson commented on your status._

Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore: “Barbie, if you and Judgy get it on, I want to watch. There’s no way I’m missing that.”

_Tyler Lockwood, Klaus Mikaelson and Jeremy Gilbert like this._

Tyler Lockwood: “Seriously, Caroline, he’s my sire. It’s not like I have a choice in the matter.”

_Hayley Marshall likes this._

Klaus Mikaelson: “While I’m not opposed to watching two very attractive women satisfy each other, I don’t like you should swear off of all men, sweetheart. No one can blame you for dumping Tyler.”

_Klaus Mikaelson likes this._

Caroline Forbes: “Tyler, you fucking bit me! And Klaus, you’re the one who told him to! I don’t want to hear another fucking word out of you two. Seriously?! What the fuck?!”

_Alaric Saltzman, Bonnie Bennett, Jenna Sommers and 10 others like this. Bonnie Bennett commented on your status._

Bonnie Bennett: “I’m down, Care. It’s not like I have any male prospects of my own, right now. Guys are overrated, anyway… except Matt. He’s a good one.”

_Caroline Forbes, Elena Gilbert and Matt Donovan like this. Stefan Salvatore commented on your status._

Stefan Salvatore: “What am I? Chopped liver? The last time I checked, I wasn’t a chauvinistic pig.”

_Elena Gilbert likes this. Bonnie Bennett commented on your status._

Bonnie Bennett: “Matt has never switched off his emotions and gone on a murderous rampage.”

_Alaric Saltzman likes this. Lexi Branson commented on your status._

Lexi Branson: “Who hasn’t killed a few people nowadays?”

_Stefan Salvatore, Kol Mikaelson, Klaus Mikaelson and 1 other like this. Kol Mikaelson commented on your status._

Kol Mikaelson: “I agree with my brother. I’d be more than will to watch and then take over satisfying your needs, Bonnie. ;)”

_Klaus Mikaelson likes this._

Caroline Forbes: “I don’t remember inviting you or Klaus. Bonnie, seriously, fuck everyone else. Let’s just go.”

_Bonnie Bennett likes this. Bonnie Bennett commented on your status._

Bonnie Bennett: “Pick me up in 5, darling? ;) #noguysinvited”

_Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore, Matt Donovan, Jeremy Gilbert and 23 others like this._


	9. Loves to Eat Bunnies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS.  
> I DO NOT OWN FACEBOOK.

Chapter Nine:

* * *

**Stefan ‘Loves to Eat Bunnies’ Salvatore updated his status.**

Stefan ‘Loves to Eat Bunnies’ Salvatore: “It’s a good thing that I’ve given up my Ripper ways, because forest animals everywhere would be trembling in fear in before me. _–feeling like I wish I was as cool as my older, hotter brother Damon_ ”

_Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore, Alaric Saltzman, Jeremy Gilbert and 14 others like this. Lexi Branson commented on your status._

Lexi Branson: “Hacked again, Stefan? How original, Damon. #men #theynevergrowup #dothey?”

_You, Caroline Forbes, Elena Gilbert and 5 others like this._

Stefan ‘Loves to Eat Bunnies’ Salvatore: “I was away from my computer for 5 minutes. I come back and this is what I find… Just wait Damon, I’ll get you back when you least suspect it.”

_Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore, Lexi Branson, Bonnie Bennett and 2 others like this. Caroline Forbes commented on your status._

Caroline Forbes: “You do realize that you can change your name back… Right, Stefan?”

_Katherine Pierce, Klaus Mikaelson, Matt Donovan and 15 others like this._

**Stefan ‘Loves to Eat Bunnies’ Salvatore changed his name.**

Stefan Salvatore: “Yes, I do. Thank you, Caroline.”

_Caroline Forbes likes this. Klaus Mikaelson commented on your status._

Klaus Mikaelson: “You tore apart much more than defenseless forest animals, Ripper. You used to be so much fun.”

_Rebekah Mikaelson likes this. Rebekah Mikaelson commented on your status._

Rebekah Mikaelson: “You used to be quite the lover and a lot more fun.”

Stefan Salvatore: “I’m still fun and I don’t remember you complaining.”

_Katherine Pierce likes this. Katherine Pierce commented on your status._

Katherine Pierce: “The bedroom is something that you’ve never lacked in, Stefan. I can say that from experience. ;) I’d be happy to see just how much that ability has changed, if you like.”

_Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore commented on your status._

Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore: “Still whoring yourself out, Katherine? Aren’t you a little old to be turning tricks? I’m sure that after a while that gaping hole between your legs will be too wide to hold anything.”

_You, Elena Gilbert, Klaus Mikaelson and 12 others like this. Elena Gilbert commented on your status._

Elena Gilbert: “He has me. Why would he need you, Katherine?”

_You and Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore like this._

Stefan Salvatore: “Elena’s right. I don’t need or want you, Katherine. I know enough not to make that mistake again.”

_Lexi Branson, Elena Gilbert and Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore like this. Lexi Branson and Katherine Pierce commented on your status._

Lexi Branson: “Tell her, Stef! You don’t need a whore like her. Bitch be triflin’. #talkabout #psycho #exes #whole #nother #ballpark”

_Caroline Forbes, Rebekah Mikaelson and Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore like this._

Katherine Pierce: “You can tell yourself whatever you want, Stefan. You and Damon must be dumber than you look, if you’re going to pretend like your infatuation with Elena has nothing to do with me. You want to talk about twisted?”

_Klaus Mikaelson and Mason Lockwood like this. Elena Gilbert commented on your status._

Elena Gilbert: “We’re not the same person, Katherine.”

_You, Caroline Forbes, and Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore like this. Katherine Pierce commented on your status._

Katherine Pierce: “Please, like they would have even sparred a second glance at you if you didn’t look like me. They’re my boys through and through. There’s not a damn thing that you can do that can change that. Denial can only get you so far.”

_Caroline Forbes commented on your status._

Caroline Forbes: “Bitch please.”


	10. Girls' Night Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DO NOT OWN VAMPIRE DIARIES OR THE CHARACTERS.  
> I DO NOT OWN FACEBOOK.

Chapter Ten:

* * *

**Bonnie Bennett updated her status.**

Bonnie Bennett: “Girls Night 2.0 is underway! Get ready! _–with Elena Gilbert, Caroline Forbes, Jenna Sommers and 3 others._ ”

_April Young, Rebekah Mikaelson and Elena Gilbert like this. April Young commented on your status._

April Young: “Are you sure that it’s still okay that Rebekah and I crash? I don’t want to make things weird or anything.”

_You and Caroline Forbes like this._

Bonnie Bennett: “April, it’s fine. I wouldn’t have told you that it was okay, if I wasn’t okay with it.”

_April Young and Elena Gilbert like this. Rebekah Mikaelson commented on your status._

Rebekah Mikaelson: “You know, I’m actually quite fond of you, especially after our last non-girls night, Bonnie. :)”

_You, Matt Donovan and Caroline Forbes like this. Matt Donovan commented on your status._

Matt Donovan: “If I didn’t think that it would hurt my man card, I’d ask if I could be invited. Last time was epic!”

_You like this._

Bonnie Bennett: “You’re always welcome, Matt. You should know that by now. I don’t know about your man card… :P Rebekah, if you had told me that you were that much fun two weeks ago, I wouldn’t have believed you. I’m glad you and April are coming tonight.”

_Rebekah Mikaelson, April Young and Matt Donovan like this. Caroline Forbes commented on your status._

Caroline Forbes: “You’re not the only one! Blonde power!”

_Rebekah Mikaelson likes this. Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore commented on your status._

Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore: “Judgy, if there are naked pillow fights, I need to be there. Barbie might be annoying, but if she had a pillow fight with you and Elena, I want front row seats.”

_Kol Mikaelson and Klaus Mikaelson like this._

Bonnie Bennett: “You’re such a pig, Damon. Even if we did, you’d be the last person that I invited.”

_Caroline Forbes and Rebekah Mikaelson like this. Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore commented on your status._

Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore: “You would invite Klaus before you invited me?! Judgy, you don’t mean that…”

_Klaus Mikaelson likes this._

Bonnie Bennett: “I would invite Klaus’ entire family, before I invited you. I would even make them popcorn and invite them to stay the night.”

_Elijah Mikaelson, Kol Mikaelson and Klaus Mikaelson like this. Kol Mikaelson and Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore commented on your status._

Kol Mikaelson: “If you’re serious about the invitation, I’ll be right over. ;) I’m sure at least one of my brothers would say the same.”

_Klaus Mikaelson likes this._

Damon ‘Eternal Stud’ Salvatore: “Damn, that’s cold.”

**Author's Note:**

> Review?
> 
> Xo,  
> Anneryn


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